Day 7 - Overwhelming

It is amazing how once you start writing things down you start to see how you really think.  When I go back and read what I wrote when I am in a different frame of mind I see things differently and sometimes much more clearly.  I guess that's why journaling is therapeautic. 

What I am beginning to notice is that I have been overwhelming myself with my thoughts and that is what is probably the greatest complication in my life.  That and being sick a lot. 

I have unrealistic expectations for myself.  I want to be productive 100% of the time.  Part of that is my personality and part of that comes from my father.  But, what actually ends up happening is that I become overwhelmed with everything I have to do and then I do nothing and get further behind.  I also think my productivity and abilities should remain the same regardless of my physical well being.  This comes from childhood when I was a sickly child and hated it.  I never wanted to use being sick as an excuse.  Being sick is a real reason to be less productive.  It's just not a reason to be unproductive.

Usually on weekends I start by totally vegging out on Friday night.  I read, watch tv, ignore my family, go to bed early and "recover."  Then I get up grudgingly on Saturday and make a list of everything I need to accomplish for home and work by Monday morning.  My list typically includes about 80 hours worth of chores.  No wonder I feel weighed down.

So, I think for this week I need to focus on setting realistic expectations, not on making lists that are overwhelming.  I also need to focus on getting healthier so I can minimize being sick.