My blog - 365 days to a simpler life. I have started numerous journals for this very purpose. I always fizzle out. That's why I now have a blog. It's out there for everyone to see. Something I feel accountable to. I can't simply rip out the pages and burn them when my attempts at improvement fail.
January 2004
Goals I am working on (not really resolutions)
1. Be healthy - eat right and exercise
2. Spend wisely or save wisely
3. Complete my MS by August 2004
4. Finish house projects by June 2004
5. Get a job - March or after - maybe wait until goals 3&4 are accomplished
April 2005
I have been living in two categories: 1) trying to be perfect, 2) not trying at all
November 2005
I choose
1. A personal relationship with God
2. Consuming nourishing and delicious foods
3. Telling the absolute truth
4. Treating every person I come in contact with, with respect
5. Honoring my committments
6. Finishing what I start
7. Learning new things and developing new skills
October 2007
I am beginning to realize that I have worked myself into a place that is barren and not condusive to life. Not the life God wants for me or one I want for myself. I am physically unfit. I have become the weakly sick person I hoped to never become. More and more medicine and it doesn't work. Can I will myself to be healthy? Will God make me healthy or is this physical frailty a sign that my life is not right - that I need to look at what God expects and not the world - simplify. Can I simplify? Can I develop the discipline to have a healthier life? Do I want it bad enough or is this the beginning of a weak life - counting time. Lord, please help me.
January 2008
Philosphically I am convinced that self-denial (discipline) is necessary for true happiness. It seems like the opposite would be true - give yourself only what you want and only what you want and you will be satisfied. But, there is NO satisfaction or sense of accomplishment in doing only those things that require no effort.
And while I hold this belief, I do not live it. I do not deny my physical appetites for food, sleep and rest. I buy things I do not need and sometimes, even things I do not really want. I choose leisure over productivity and bemoan the consequences of my own decisions. I live in the frustration of desiring results that require an effort I am not willing to put forth.
My journal entries are all either full of hope for change or full of despair. All or none. So me. My friend says that she journals when the emotion of her life overflows and cannot be contained within the confines of herself. She stops when life returns to a manageable level. Maybe this is what I have done.
So, to be on day 24 is quite an accomplishment for me. It's MUCH messier than I thought it would be. I wanted for people to see me steadily moving toward my idea of what life should be like. Instead I keep finding that I have a lot of junk to clean out before I get to that point.
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