Sunday, November 15, 2009

Day 14 - Ownership

I am an owner.  Sometimes I feel like a 2 year old shouting "mine" everytime someone comes near or threatens my territory.  Ownership is good when you want to take pride in something, commit to it and do a good job.  Ownership is damaging when you can't share or think you are the only one who can do something.

If you asked me what I collect I would say nothing.  But what I really collect is responsibility.  I collect things to be in charge of.  Problems to solve.  People to fix.  Tasks that I think only I can do well.  Ideas. 

Control freak?  Yes.  OCD?  Yes.  Well intentioned?  Yes.

I am not in control of the world.  Say that again.  I am not in control of the world.  I say that God is in control.  I act like I am in control.

I see how this drives people both towards and away from me. 

All of these years I kept thinking that giving up things like nail polish, only shaving once a week and planting a garden would simplify my life.  Now I am beginning to see that I have to let go of some of this control if I want my life to be simple. 

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