Yes, no title. Nothing came to mind. My mind has crashed. It followed my body which crashed about 2:23 this afternoon. Nap crash. Want to sit in the chair for 14 days without taking a shower or brushing my teeth crash.
I've been pushing, pushing, pushing past some limits. Staying up too late. Trying to get too much done. Calling simplicity a four letter word. Usually I would just get sick. That's what typically happens. Today I just got overwhelmingly tired.
See, I'm rambling. No coherency left.
People need respite. I need respite. It charges me up. Increases my productivity. Allows creativity. Keeps me patient. Makes me sane. Well, as sane as I'm ever gonna be.
Sometimes my narcissism wants me to believe that I am the Energizer Bunny. But, I'm not. I'm just a girl who wants to save the world, take good care of my family, and find joy in every day life. So little room for rest. But no chance without it.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Day 119 - Plans
In two weeks I expect one of the following to happen:
#1 I will
complete my taxes
sleep late
plant my garden
read a book
buy some cute shorts
see a movie
#2
My sister will have a baby and I will go see her and get none of list 1 done except read a book.
I vote for #2.
Next week I'm planning to start swimming. The pool is heated. It's going to be COLD when I get out. I went to look for a hooded terry cloth robe at the mall and there were none. I found one on line for $100. I'm thinking I'll just have to make do. But, it sure is going to be COLD.
Tomorrow I plan to go up to work and clean my room. It's beyond. That's all I can say.
#1 I will
complete my taxes
sleep late
plant my garden
read a book
buy some cute shorts
see a movie
#2
My sister will have a baby and I will go see her and get none of list 1 done except read a book.
I vote for #2.
Next week I'm planning to start swimming. The pool is heated. It's going to be COLD when I get out. I went to look for a hooded terry cloth robe at the mall and there were none. I found one on line for $100. I'm thinking I'll just have to make do. But, it sure is going to be COLD.
Tomorrow I plan to go up to work and clean my room. It's beyond. That's all I can say.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Day 118 - Beautiful Day
Today I was warm. Had plenty to eat. Did not worry where I would sleep tonight. Felt safe. And loved.
It was a beautiful day.
It was a beautiful day.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Day 117 - Funerals
I have been to 2 funerals in the last 48 hours. One in Florida, one in Texas. I'm actually too tired to write, but it has been a while and I wanted to post a couple of things while they are fresh on my mind.
In addition to serving as a celebration of a person's life and a chance to say goodbye, funerals serve as a reminder to the living to live. To forgive. To prioritize. To do things that matter.
What I want to do is:
Spend more time with people I love. They won't be around forever. Even if they are difficult, say inappropriate things most of the time, etc. You just have to accept your family and love them anyway. You get to choose your friend and can be a little more picky with them.
Help people out more. Be less selfish. I know everyone needs recovery time for life, but every minute counts. I want to get as much in as possible.
Focus on God's purpose for my life.
In addition to serving as a celebration of a person's life and a chance to say goodbye, funerals serve as a reminder to the living to live. To forgive. To prioritize. To do things that matter.
What I want to do is:
Spend more time with people I love. They won't be around forever. Even if they are difficult, say inappropriate things most of the time, etc. You just have to accept your family and love them anyway. You get to choose your friend and can be a little more picky with them.
Help people out more. Be less selfish. I know everyone needs recovery time for life, but every minute counts. I want to get as much in as possible.
Focus on God's purpose for my life.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Day 113 - Goodbye Uncle Virgil
Every day of my life that I have lived, except for today, my Uncle Virgil has been alive.
I have always known him.
He is a part of the fabric of my life.
He was my dad's college roomate and married my mom's sister.
More than just an uncle.
A true character. In a world filled with manufactured people, he always felt the freedom to just be who he was. I loved that about him.
He's the only person I know that built their own television.
He was frugal.
He loved babies.
You had to fight him for the remote control.
He had a pair of plaid pants that he wore for at least 30 years. Through 2 phases of popularity.
He had his mother's smile and he used it often.
He was loud.
He gave big hugs.
He played by the rules (he knew the official rules of every game we every played.)
He loved my mom's pies.
He always had his 2 for 1 coupons ready when my dad came to visit.
He loved his family. And they loved him.
He will be missed.
I have always known him.
He is a part of the fabric of my life.
He was my dad's college roomate and married my mom's sister.
More than just an uncle.
A true character. In a world filled with manufactured people, he always felt the freedom to just be who he was. I loved that about him.
He's the only person I know that built their own television.
He was frugal.
He loved babies.
You had to fight him for the remote control.
He had a pair of plaid pants that he wore for at least 30 years. Through 2 phases of popularity.
He had his mother's smile and he used it often.
He was loud.
He gave big hugs.
He played by the rules (he knew the official rules of every game we every played.)
He loved my mom's pies.
He always had his 2 for 1 coupons ready when my dad came to visit.
He loved his family. And they loved him.
He will be missed.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Day 112 - 21
I'm not 21 any longer. My bones tell me that frequently. And when I look in the mirror I am instantly reminded. Damn mirror.
But, once I was 21. And I remember it and it doesn't feel that far away. It doesn't feel 23 years ago. Part of me still feels 21. Somedays I wake up surprised that I am married, a mother, a teacher, a homeowner. When you look at me do you see that 21 year old? Or do you only see a middle aged woman? I still have dreams and hopes for my future. I still love a man and desire him. I still have insecurities. I still have a lot to learn. I still love to laugh and have fun with my friends. I still have ups and downs. Success and failure. Strengths and weaknesses.
I am not just 44. I am all of the years and experiences along the way to 44. I am 0-44. And 21 falls in between. So, I guess I am 21 after all.
But, once I was 21. And I remember it and it doesn't feel that far away. It doesn't feel 23 years ago. Part of me still feels 21. Somedays I wake up surprised that I am married, a mother, a teacher, a homeowner. When you look at me do you see that 21 year old? Or do you only see a middle aged woman? I still have dreams and hopes for my future. I still love a man and desire him. I still have insecurities. I still have a lot to learn. I still love to laugh and have fun with my friends. I still have ups and downs. Success and failure. Strengths and weaknesses.
I am not just 44. I am all of the years and experiences along the way to 44. I am 0-44. And 21 falls in between. So, I guess I am 21 after all.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Day 111 - Split
Tonight my son is with his mom. It is where he goes every other weekend, Thursday evenings and one month in the summer.
I miss him.
Sometimes I hold back from giving him every last ounce of my love.
Because I do not have all of him.
And it hurts too much.
I have lost him before and I survived.
But not completely intact.
One day he will be neither here nor there.
He will be grown and making his own choices about where he goes.
And I will miss him then.
As I do now.
And I will wonder if he is happy and safe and well loved.
As I do now.
Sleep well Sweet Pea. Child of my heart.
I miss him.
Sometimes I hold back from giving him every last ounce of my love.
Because I do not have all of him.
And it hurts too much.
I have lost him before and I survived.
But not completely intact.
One day he will be neither here nor there.
He will be grown and making his own choices about where he goes.
And I will miss him then.
As I do now.
And I will wonder if he is happy and safe and well loved.
As I do now.
Sleep well Sweet Pea. Child of my heart.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Day 110 - Rethinking
I love to have my mind shifted.
It thinks and thinks and then someone comes along and moves the track.
I like to say that a new portal opens in my brain.
Use of more of that thinking space.
Explosion of ideas.
I am so grateful to the MANY people who have opened my mind, filled it, stretched it and used it to open their own portals.
It thinks and thinks and then someone comes along and moves the track.
I like to say that a new portal opens in my brain.
Use of more of that thinking space.
Explosion of ideas.
I am so grateful to the MANY people who have opened my mind, filled it, stretched it and used it to open their own portals.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Day 109 - Remember When
I remember:
There was a smoking area at the high school for both teachers and students
Cordless and cell phones did not exist. One phone in the kitchen and one in my parents bedroom. Dad wouldn't let us use the one in their room and the phone was for business so when he was home, no phone calls over 10 minutes.
No one locked their doors unless they were on vacation and you kept the keys in the car ignition so you could always find them.
We got up to turn the channels. All 4 of them.
I got a perm every 6 months.
Teachers gave you pops for misbehaving or for putting your bookcover on incorrectly (I never understood that one Mr. Pillans.)
45 minutes of recess and an hour of PE every day.
Ice cream every Friday with lunch.
Coaches were assigned a subject, but taught nothing.
Jumping out of a tree and trying to fall on my arm and break it so I wouldn't have to write a paper. I finally gave up and just wrote the darn thing.
Falling in and out of love every week. Seriously. (I'm trying to remember what that felt like now that that my son is 12.)
Checking inappropriate books out from the library and hiding them from my mother. Thus the whole serial killer phase when I was in 6th or 7th grade.
Wanting a boy to like me but refusing to change to make it happen.
Losing all my friends in 6th grade for being too bossy.
Field trips and field day. I loved, loved, loved them.
Running faster than any other girl in elementary school.
Stealing a coin purse in first grade and feeling guilty for it for 38 years and counting.
Getting the chicken pox in 10th grade when I had just started a new high school.
Copying the tests for Biology II for the teacher and refusing to look at them because I didn't want an unfair advantage.
Reading Gone with the Wind in 2 days when I was 13.
Being hooked on soap operas at the age of 5.
My mom reading to me every day until I could read myself.
Being told by my 8th grade English Teacher that I just wasn't an A student and making an 89 on practically every paper of the year.
Making moonshine in Science lab.
There was a smoking area at the high school for both teachers and students
Cordless and cell phones did not exist. One phone in the kitchen and one in my parents bedroom. Dad wouldn't let us use the one in their room and the phone was for business so when he was home, no phone calls over 10 minutes.
No one locked their doors unless they were on vacation and you kept the keys in the car ignition so you could always find them.
We got up to turn the channels. All 4 of them.
I got a perm every 6 months.
Teachers gave you pops for misbehaving or for putting your bookcover on incorrectly (I never understood that one Mr. Pillans.)
45 minutes of recess and an hour of PE every day.
Ice cream every Friday with lunch.
Coaches were assigned a subject, but taught nothing.
Jumping out of a tree and trying to fall on my arm and break it so I wouldn't have to write a paper. I finally gave up and just wrote the darn thing.
Falling in and out of love every week. Seriously. (I'm trying to remember what that felt like now that that my son is 12.)
Checking inappropriate books out from the library and hiding them from my mother. Thus the whole serial killer phase when I was in 6th or 7th grade.
Wanting a boy to like me but refusing to change to make it happen.
Losing all my friends in 6th grade for being too bossy.
Field trips and field day. I loved, loved, loved them.
Running faster than any other girl in elementary school.
Stealing a coin purse in first grade and feeling guilty for it for 38 years and counting.
Getting the chicken pox in 10th grade when I had just started a new high school.
Copying the tests for Biology II for the teacher and refusing to look at them because I didn't want an unfair advantage.
Reading Gone with the Wind in 2 days when I was 13.
Being hooked on soap operas at the age of 5.
My mom reading to me every day until I could read myself.
Being told by my 8th grade English Teacher that I just wasn't an A student and making an 89 on practically every paper of the year.
Making moonshine in Science lab.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Day 108 - Forgetful
I forgot to blog yesterday. Thought I had, but I hadn't. I'm forgetful.
I'm forgetful because I have too much going on. I have traveled parts of the last 2 weeks. That always disorients me. My student teacher is in full responsibility. So you think I would have lots of time, but I have planned 100 other things to do.
Maybe I caught it from hanging out with my son. He has that brain that only pregnant women and teenagers get. Someone called yesterday and he couldn't tell us who, why or anything about the call. I don't know is now the standard answer.
I'm forgetful because my brain is not the reliable reminder that it once was. There's technology to take care of that, but I am challenged in that area. I'm the teacher that is on the 12 hours/week technology training needed.
I'm also just tired. This time of year I am worn out. The batteries begin to get faulty. Short circuit. Spring break will freshen me up, but its a few weeks away.
The problem is that I'm not so forgetful that I forget I'm forgetful. I'm thinking that is equivalent to bliss. Not knowing what your problem is because you can't remember you have a problem. I think tequila puts me in that state.
My plan: Slow down (ha, how many times I have said that.) Get some sleep (if the hormones allow.) Start a list (if I can remember where I put it.) And if all else fails, you guessed it, drink some tequila.
I'm forgetful because I have too much going on. I have traveled parts of the last 2 weeks. That always disorients me. My student teacher is in full responsibility. So you think I would have lots of time, but I have planned 100 other things to do.
Maybe I caught it from hanging out with my son. He has that brain that only pregnant women and teenagers get. Someone called yesterday and he couldn't tell us who, why or anything about the call. I don't know is now the standard answer.
I'm forgetful because my brain is not the reliable reminder that it once was. There's technology to take care of that, but I am challenged in that area. I'm the teacher that is on the 12 hours/week technology training needed.
I'm also just tired. This time of year I am worn out. The batteries begin to get faulty. Short circuit. Spring break will freshen me up, but its a few weeks away.
The problem is that I'm not so forgetful that I forget I'm forgetful. I'm thinking that is equivalent to bliss. Not knowing what your problem is because you can't remember you have a problem. I think tequila puts me in that state.
My plan: Slow down (ha, how many times I have said that.) Get some sleep (if the hormones allow.) Start a list (if I can remember where I put it.) And if all else fails, you guessed it, drink some tequila.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Day 106 - I Feel
Occasionally. Every once in a blue moon. I feel small.
Like all of my life as a total is a joke. Barely significant.
It started with a dream. A nightmare. Too awful to spill onto this page. Too awful to think that my mind can hold those thoughts.
From there I have felt inadequate. I'm not the wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, teacher, neighbor, etc that I need to be.
I dress like a slob. I'm fat. I'm not smart enough.
And so the list goes on and on.
Negative thinking.
Serves no purpose but to bring me down. Hold me down.
I think tomorrow I will wake up in a better mood.
Like all of my life as a total is a joke. Barely significant.
It started with a dream. A nightmare. Too awful to spill onto this page. Too awful to think that my mind can hold those thoughts.
From there I have felt inadequate. I'm not the wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, teacher, neighbor, etc that I need to be.
I dress like a slob. I'm fat. I'm not smart enough.
And so the list goes on and on.
Negative thinking.
Serves no purpose but to bring me down. Hold me down.
I think tomorrow I will wake up in a better mood.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Day 105 - When I'm Rich
If I ever write those books I've been talking about for 15 years and they are actually good and I sell a bunch and make a lot of money then I am going to do these things:
1. Go to both the Winter & Summer Olympics. Stay as close to the village as possible. Get Bridget to style me so I look like I belong there and watch as many events as I can.
2. Attend a yoga retreat in Telluride, CO. (I'm not sure I will be able to talk Bob into going on this one with me.)
3. Take everybody to New York City for Girl's Weekend, or Girl's Week.
4. Travel across the country with my friends with the sole purpose of finding and eating at really good and unique restaraunts and staying at notable and eclectic hotels.
Okay. Those are the things I say I'm going to do. But, I am fairly practical so this is probably what is more likely to happen.
1. Buy a big screen tv to watch the Winter and Summer Olympics.
2. Hire someone to show me how to do yoga properly.
3. Rent a super cool place for gir's weekend in Wimberly.
4. Take my friends out to eat.
1. Go to both the Winter & Summer Olympics. Stay as close to the village as possible. Get Bridget to style me so I look like I belong there and watch as many events as I can.
2. Attend a yoga retreat in Telluride, CO. (I'm not sure I will be able to talk Bob into going on this one with me.)
3. Take everybody to New York City for Girl's Weekend, or Girl's Week.
4. Travel across the country with my friends with the sole purpose of finding and eating at really good and unique restaraunts and staying at notable and eclectic hotels.
Okay. Those are the things I say I'm going to do. But, I am fairly practical so this is probably what is more likely to happen.
1. Buy a big screen tv to watch the Winter and Summer Olympics.
2. Hire someone to show me how to do yoga properly.
3. Rent a super cool place for gir's weekend in Wimberly.
4. Take my friends out to eat.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Day 101 - Who's the Teacher?
5 Things I Have Taught My STudents
1. That I love them.
2. Mistakes are necessary to advance your learning.
3. How to find patterns in words, stories, math, writing ,etc.
4. Hard work results in success. Sucess results in more sucess.
5. "If you complain about the snacks they will be gone for like 5 weeks." - Shawnacey to Monasha
5 Things I Have Learned From My Students
1. They love me.
2. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
3. Consistent application of rules = feeling safe.
4. Being silly makes learning fun for everyone.
5. If I don't pay attention to what is important to them, they won't pay attention to me.
1. That I love them.
2. Mistakes are necessary to advance your learning.
3. How to find patterns in words, stories, math, writing ,etc.
4. Hard work results in success. Sucess results in more sucess.
5. "If you complain about the snacks they will be gone for like 5 weeks." - Shawnacey to Monasha
5 Things I Have Learned From My Students
1. They love me.
2. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again.
3. Consistent application of rules = feeling safe.
4. Being silly makes learning fun for everyone.
5. If I don't pay attention to what is important to them, they won't pay attention to me.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Day 100 - Red Eye
My father taught me about red eye. Anger that so consumes you that you do and say things that are way past any boundary that is close to appropriate.
I used to have it in spades. But I read my Bible and believed in Jesus and he taught the opposite of red eye. Loving people who are hard to love. Giving forgiveness that is undeserved. Turning the other cheek. So as a young girl, I prayed and prayed for God to irradicate red eye from my life.
Around the age of 29 it was pretty much gone with only an occasional flare-up that lacked the fury or consequence of my previous spew. People who know me now and didn't know me then really don't believe me when I tell them I used to have an anger management problem.
I see it in our kids all of the time. I say things like "I can see that you are angry. You have the power to make this situation better or worse. What will you choose?" or "If you don't like what someone does, then don't do the same thing. If you act just like them, then you are no different than them." or "Why are you giving so-and-so all of your power? They did this and you responded to them which means they have control over you and you don't have control over yourself." This usually works to calm them down and make them think.
Today, I needed my own advice. I haven't felt that anger rising up, inflaming my blood, rushing blood to my head in a LONG time. I felt it today. Things needed to be said, but not in anger. I can make the situation better or worse. I can act like that person or act like Jesus. I can hand over my self-discipline on a silver platter or keep it and treat it like the prized possession it is.
I don't want to be a person that seeks revenge over forgiveness. That says things in reaction to other people. That gives up precious time being angry because people are selfish or flawed or both. That calls everyone and tells them how right I am and how wrong the other person is.
I want to be at peace. And anger and loathing cannot coexist with peace.
So tonight, once again, I will pray that God will irradicate red-eye from my life. Would you please pray for me too?
I used to have it in spades. But I read my Bible and believed in Jesus and he taught the opposite of red eye. Loving people who are hard to love. Giving forgiveness that is undeserved. Turning the other cheek. So as a young girl, I prayed and prayed for God to irradicate red eye from my life.
Around the age of 29 it was pretty much gone with only an occasional flare-up that lacked the fury or consequence of my previous spew. People who know me now and didn't know me then really don't believe me when I tell them I used to have an anger management problem.
I see it in our kids all of the time. I say things like "I can see that you are angry. You have the power to make this situation better or worse. What will you choose?" or "If you don't like what someone does, then don't do the same thing. If you act just like them, then you are no different than them." or "Why are you giving so-and-so all of your power? They did this and you responded to them which means they have control over you and you don't have control over yourself." This usually works to calm them down and make them think.
Today, I needed my own advice. I haven't felt that anger rising up, inflaming my blood, rushing blood to my head in a LONG time. I felt it today. Things needed to be said, but not in anger. I can make the situation better or worse. I can act like that person or act like Jesus. I can hand over my self-discipline on a silver platter or keep it and treat it like the prized possession it is.
I don't want to be a person that seeks revenge over forgiveness. That says things in reaction to other people. That gives up precious time being angry because people are selfish or flawed or both. That calls everyone and tells them how right I am and how wrong the other person is.
I want to be at peace. And anger and loathing cannot coexist with peace.
So tonight, once again, I will pray that God will irradicate red-eye from my life. Would you please pray for me too?
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Day 99 - I'm married to a weirdo
I'm married to a weirdo and I LOVE it. We got up at 5am and drove to LaPorte, Tx to a deserted industrial park to look at a 1989 Vogue deisel motorhome. The original plan was Dallas, but a bad bad cold put a damper on that.
All of the characters of the books I will write one day, when I am ready, will come from our many road trips to look at vehicles. Or from our adventures on the road. How many of you have lived out of a van for a month trekking through Alaska? I told you. Weirdo.
I also plan to include the chain smoking, hacking cough, NyQuil swilling black haired old lady from H.E.B. How could you not put her in a book? She kind of reminded me of my aunt Marge who spent some time in the Terrell State Hospital because she thought she was crazy (until she actually got there and realized she was rather sane.)
These are the people that appeal to me. People that don't fit the mold. You can't make these people up. They defy explanation. My brother would say I fit in this category as well.
Did I tell you my husband is also married to a weirdo? And yes, he LOVES it.
All of the characters of the books I will write one day, when I am ready, will come from our many road trips to look at vehicles. Or from our adventures on the road. How many of you have lived out of a van for a month trekking through Alaska? I told you. Weirdo.
I also plan to include the chain smoking, hacking cough, NyQuil swilling black haired old lady from H.E.B. How could you not put her in a book? She kind of reminded me of my aunt Marge who spent some time in the Terrell State Hospital because she thought she was crazy (until she actually got there and realized she was rather sane.)
These are the people that appeal to me. People that don't fit the mold. You can't make these people up. They defy explanation. My brother would say I fit in this category as well.
Did I tell you my husband is also married to a weirdo? And yes, he LOVES it.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Day 98 - Random Thoughts
"I would rather try and fail than not try at all." Taking risks is, well, risky. Too often we want a guaranteed outcome for an unproven risk. I'm not a fan of Donald Trump but I do admire that his willingness to lose money has helped him make money. That's inspirational. I hope that when people around me take that initiative to try something new that I am a support rather than a naysayer.
My uncle has called in Hospice. This has been weighing on my heart all day. He has fought hard against Cancer. But pain of that magnitude takes the fight right out of you. My aunt has never in her 67 years lived alone. Soon, she will know the magnitude of that pain.
"The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray." Brandon, that one is for you. I love that you love the book that gave me the quote of my life. Control freaks don't like for plans to go astray.
Prevention is the best medicine. I'm sure this applies to education as well. I keep thinking that we need to start being more proactive than reactive. I'm just not sure what that looks like.
I had the wonderful opportunity to see pure joy on the faces of our 5th graders this week. We went to Pine Cove and despite cold and rainy weather they had the time of their lives. It was a reminder of how unspoiled they are. How grateful for an opportunity to experience a different slice of life. Priceless memories.
Thankful for my "homey girlfriends."
It is clear that I will have to keep my job for a while. My neice, who apparantly already weighs 5.25 pounds in utero although her due date is 7 weeks away, will just have to be dressed in all the amazingly cute clothes that just wouldn't have looked right on Alex. It seems ridiculous to spend $60 on an outfit for a baby girl, but at the same time it seems ridiculous not to.
Chunk deuce.
My uncle has called in Hospice. This has been weighing on my heart all day. He has fought hard against Cancer. But pain of that magnitude takes the fight right out of you. My aunt has never in her 67 years lived alone. Soon, she will know the magnitude of that pain.
"The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray." Brandon, that one is for you. I love that you love the book that gave me the quote of my life. Control freaks don't like for plans to go astray.
Prevention is the best medicine. I'm sure this applies to education as well. I keep thinking that we need to start being more proactive than reactive. I'm just not sure what that looks like.
I had the wonderful opportunity to see pure joy on the faces of our 5th graders this week. We went to Pine Cove and despite cold and rainy weather they had the time of their lives. It was a reminder of how unspoiled they are. How grateful for an opportunity to experience a different slice of life. Priceless memories.
Thankful for my "homey girlfriends."
It is clear that I will have to keep my job for a while. My neice, who apparantly already weighs 5.25 pounds in utero although her due date is 7 weeks away, will just have to be dressed in all the amazingly cute clothes that just wouldn't have looked right on Alex. It seems ridiculous to spend $60 on an outfit for a baby girl, but at the same time it seems ridiculous not to.
Chunk deuce.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Day 95 - Creeping back in
Not soda. I have wanted a soda about 250 times since I quit. But I have not crossed that threshold.
Giving up soda is not enough. I have to do that and other stuff to be healthy.
Bad habits like to creep in.
Like the Blob.
They start off small and innocuous and then they start to take over until they own your life.
I haven't walked the dogs in a week and a half.
I have had tea everyday this week and several days more than once.
I have traded my daily bowl of soup at lunch for school cafeteria food.
I ate half a bag of caramels and at least 10 small apricot pies.
I feel like crap.
I'm tired.
My energy is zapped.
My stomach hurts.
Refocus girl. You can do it.
Giving up soda is not enough. I have to do that and other stuff to be healthy.
Bad habits like to creep in.
Like the Blob.
They start off small and innocuous and then they start to take over until they own your life.
I haven't walked the dogs in a week and a half.
I have had tea everyday this week and several days more than once.
I have traded my daily bowl of soup at lunch for school cafeteria food.
I ate half a bag of caramels and at least 10 small apricot pies.
I feel like crap.
I'm tired.
My energy is zapped.
My stomach hurts.
Refocus girl. You can do it.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Day 94 - Encouragement
Everyone feels inadequate
From time to time
Sometimes we fan the flame
Cause we like to see the fire
Burning someone besides ourself
But when we are at our best
We desire misery for no one
We fight the flame
And light the path
For our friends to see
That they are enough
From time to time
Sometimes we fan the flame
Cause we like to see the fire
Burning someone besides ourself
But when we are at our best
We desire misery for no one
We fight the flame
And light the path
For our friends to see
That they are enough
Monday, February 1, 2010
Day 93 - Consequences
Consequences were established in the beginning. Failing grades = no media priveleges.
Consequences delivered.
Nasty name calling ensued.
Refusal to argue.
On the brink of being physical.
Calm words of warning.
Left to walk the dogs.
Shaking. Knowing if he crosses that line he will have to leave.
Where will he go?
Hopefully that bridge will never have to be crossed.
Consequences delivered.
Nasty name calling ensued.
Refusal to argue.
On the brink of being physical.
Calm words of warning.
Left to walk the dogs.
Shaking. Knowing if he crosses that line he will have to leave.
Where will he go?
Hopefully that bridge will never have to be crossed.
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