Day 61 - Letting go

I am not one for convention.  That is what my family tells me.  That is what I have come to believe about myself.  But, I am one for consistent non-convention.


Get that?  I may not do things the way everyone else does them but I do them my way over and over, making it conventional for me.  


Breaking bad habits, thinking differently, changing common practices for a purpose are not easy.  This journey started with me fighting to change but not wanting to let go.  So many things in my life are still the same.  But, some are changing and this gives me great hope that if I consciously work at changing things that do not add value to the life of my family, I can.


As open as I am as a person, I am just as closed.  In some areas of my life I don't know where the key to the padlock is.  My mind gets stuck.  I have for years tried to get God to change His plan for me to fit into my mold.  I am now becoming open to fitting my plan into His mold.  Not quite there yet but heading in that direction.


So much energy into the maintenance of things that are not important, just comfortable. 


I'm a little afraid to change too much.  I'm scared that my relationships will change for the worse.  More likely, they will change for the better.  


Prayer and Bible Study have to be the center of my decision making.  Not impulse.  Not emotions.  Not others.  Those all have a role, but they can't be the guiding force.


Sixty-one days with a lot of focus on me.  This seems quite extravagant and indulgent.  Moving towards simplicity.  Cleaning out some junk.  Making room for others.  Making room for God.  


I think 2010 is going to be a great year, regardless of what happens.