Monday, December 7, 2009

Day 36 - Denial

Back in the day when I was a working Dietitian I was always amazed by people with Diabetes.  They could be in the hospital, two days past a foot amputation and still eating as much sugar as they could get and assuring everyone who would listen that they really didn't have Diabetes, it was just a foot infection.  Denial.  So powerful.  So dangerous.

Yet here I am with heart issues and acting like everything is okay.  My total cholesterol is close to 300 and my LDL is 200 - DANGEROUS.  When I had chest pains and went to the ER 2 years ago the EKG showed that at some time I had had a mild heart attack.  My doctor has wanted me on cholesterol lowering medication for years.  I keep putting it off.  I know that I need to lose weight and start exercising.  I keep putting it off. 

So today all day I have been having chest pains.  In my mind I know it is not normal, but I keep rationalizing that it can't be a heart issue.  I"m 44.  It's probably heartburn.  Maybe I pulled a muscle.  Tonight Bob comes home and suggests Koppe Bridge.  I have a hamburger and fries for dinner.

I'm sure there is some pyschological term for people who live in denial.  But I don't want to know.  I don't have time to worry about why my chest keeps tightening.  I have too much to do.  Or maybe I have too much to do because I don't want to worry about it. 

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