Day 35 - Homeless

I haven't been to church since summer.  Every Sunday and often on other days I feel - homeless.  There have been other periods of time that I did not attend church, but those times were because I just didn't want to go.

It is hard for me to stay in God's word when I am not in His church.  I'm very hit or miss.  And His word is what feeds the Holy Spirit and guides us to be in His will instead of our own.  God clearly states in His word the importance of church.  And by church I mean worship with other believers.

I have taken this time away to be sure that I have clarity when I choose another church.  I have left 3 churches in my adult life for reasons of human nature creating an environment within the church that was clearly against God's teaching. 

In one church several elders accused a music minister of inappropriate behavior with a child because they wanted him gone and had not been able to get rid of him any other way.  When the authorities decided to investigate this man, they recanted the accusations.  They were willing to lie to get rid of him but not to send him to jail.  He had already left and the church was divided. 

The second church I left allowed a parent to stay in a children's leadership role after she failed to protect her own child.  Her husband sexually abused her daughter (his step-daughter) and went to jail for a year and half.  When he was released, she allowed him back home.  Since he was not allowed to be in the same home as her daughter, she sent her daughter to live with a relative.  I taught this girl in Sunday School and it broke both her heart and mine.

The last church I left sent out a missive that unless you were willing to come to 90% of church services, meet weekly in a small group, serve on at least 2 weekly ministry committees and give a minimum of 10% of your salary you needed to find another church.  The pastor said in his letter that if people didn't leave voluntarily he would start asking people to leave.  I left voluntarily and knew that even if I met all of those criteria I could not be a part of a church that made people feel so unwelcome. 

Is it me?  Do I expect too much?  I know that all churches are administered by humans and humans are fallible.  Churches are not perfect and never will be. Scandals aren't that uncommon.  Maybe it is my all or nothing personality.  I can stick with flawed people but why can't I stick with a flawed church?  Should you stick with a church that is so flawed?

I just know that I can't really move forward until this is settled.  I need to find a church home.  I need to be in God's word and I need to be following His direction instead of trying to find my way in the dark.

Please keep me in your prayers.