Day 50 - Random

MRI for 30 minutes of the stress test.  Thirty minutes to keep my mind occupied so I would not think about having to be still.  Or the glob in my throat of unswallowed spit.  Or the machine that was awfully close to my face. 

Random thought #1
Addiction sucks.  I have spent several years being addicted to soda.  Not caffeine.  Soda.  Mainly Coke or Dr. Pepper.  I was a moderate user until I became a foster parent.  One little boy that had needs beyond my skills and I chose something to keep me going.  He left, the addiction stayed. 

Now, I have given it up.  It's hard and this may sound crazy, but a little bit lonely.  When I had a hard day, drink a Coke.  When I didn't feel well.  When I got home from school.  When I got up.  When I was celebrating.  The list goes on.  Alex says soda was my booze.  I laughed but the words rang true.

He asked me when would I start drinking soda again.  I said hopefully never.  I can't handle it.  Right now I really miss it.  But I know that desire will fade with time.

Random Thought #2
I got the new Radney Foster CD and it's excellent.  One of the chorus' goes something like this:
If I'm going to play, I'm going to play loud
If I'm going to love, I'm going to love big
I don't want life watered down, I want to drink it strong
Until it's gone

Another reminder that life is messy but living it is worthwhile.

Random Thought #3
I have a saying (I actually have a lot of sayings):  Your strength is your weakness and your weakness is your strength.

My fascination with strangeness, which makes me socially inept at times, also helps me love all the idiosynchrasies in people.  Those things that others find off-putting, I find endearing.