Day 67 - Planner

For planners, it is hard for life to every just be.  Simplicity is a foreign concept. 

I used to plan plan plan and of course as life so often does, something wouldn't go quite according to plan.  That would kink my happy feeling, my I know I'm safe because I planned so well feeling.  Turn that feeling right into irritation and often irritation on a grand scale.

So for a while I quit planning.  Very morose.  Why plan?  My planning makes no difference.  Things will just be as they are and I have absolutely no control over what happens.  Why disappoint myself by going to all of the trouble of planning just to see it demolished?  I think this phase scared people who knew me.  Everyone kept asking me if I was depressed.  I wasn't depressed, I just wasn't flexible.  All or nothing.  I want to control everything or nothing at all.

Then I vascillated between planning heavy and planning light.  You could call this the bi-polar phase.  I would plan something out and have it be perfect and then totally not care about the next thing.  This is when my house was either spotless or condemnable.  

I am now moving into the flexible stage.  I know - I will never be totally flexible because I have the control gene.  The one my mother gave me.  I no longer over do the planning and therefore when a change is necessary, which is often, I don't freak out so much.  I have my moments, but lets just say the family isn't considering committment at the moment.