Day 131 - When you're hot you're hot

When you're not you're not.  I looked hot today.  It was the red shoes.  Our water is not hot.  Gas is gone.  Got to get it back. 

Day 130 - Bob's Boot Camp

Seriously.  It's Bob's boot camp.  We shopped for boots tonight at Red Wing on our way home from riding bikes to Bryan High and then SFA where we walked up and down the bleachers.

Day 129 - Showing Up

The biggest part of parenting is showing up.  Tonight's band concert reminded me of that.  Going to a 6th grade band concert is not on my bucket list.  Being there for my son is.  When he looks up in the crowd he wants to see his people. 

Too often I think that my parenting needs to be perfect.  My parenting will never be perfect.  Ask my know-it-all 12 year old.  He will tell you that I only occasionally hit the mark.  But I am there.  When it is easy and when it is not.  When I want to be and when I don't.  For the laughter, the yelling, the hugs, the attitude, the fun, the sorrow, the homework, etc.  You get the picture.

The Bible says that love covers a multitude of sins.  Showing up = love.
   

Day 28 - Green Shorts

I have a lot of legitimate excuses to why my blogging has been sketchy lately.  But the hard core reason is that I feel vulnerable and don't want to be exposed.  I don't want to reflect on why things are the way they are.  I don't want to think about how I need to change.  I don't want to be honest about my choices.  I don't want.

So tonight I will tell you a story about green polyester shorts.  Kiwi green Bermuda shorts with ridges down the front of each leg.  My mothers shorts.  The ones that she loved and wore for way too long. The ones that in the end had to be held together by pins.  The ones that my dad had to dig out of the dirty clothes basket when she wasn't looking and put in the burn barrel. 

Those shorts started out fashionable.  My mother would never be too trendy, but she was always conservative with a splash.  So those shorts started out being on the edge for conservative fashion.  They probably had a really cute top that matched and in the beginning that was always worn with them.  An outfit.  Somewhere along the way the top disappeared.  The shorts remained past fashionable where they simply became just comfortable and were only worn around the house out of the view of non-family, but worn often. Over time we began to refer to them as the uniform

Through the years there would be many more uniforms but none of them stood out as much as the green shorts. 

That's why you might see me at Albertson's with gray yoga Bermudas, a brown top, pink sweatshirt and Birkenstocks.  It may not look normal to you.  You may start a discussion about an intervention.  But its my roots people.  It's just my uniform.

Day 124 - Sick

I haven't blogged because I have been sick.  Using all of the energy for going to work.  Coming home and crashing. 

Right now I should be in Richardson, going to my sister's baby shower.  Fever robbed me of that.  I hate you fever.

My dogs should be walked.  My kitchen clean.  My classroom clean.  My spirits up.

I hate being sick. 

I'm sure there is a purpose for it.  And when I'm not sick or it's someone else I could give some very thoughtful and logical reason for it.  But when I'm smack dab in the middle of it, it just sucks.

Day 121 - Honesty

Honesty is a big deal in my family.  I think my dad would rather me be a prostitute than a liar.  You think I'm joking.  I grew up in a family where if you asked a question, you got an answer.  An honest one.  Sometimes that was exactly what you needed and sometimes it was just painful.

So, I end up saying things like "OMG, what happened to your nose?  It's all red and swollen."  "Yeah, that didn't go so well."  "Well, it covered all the basics, if that's what you wanted." 

But there is a different kind of honesty that is harder to express.  What we really think in the core of our being.  Those thoughts that arise that are rarely spoken because they scare us.  Or because someone has told us it is not okay to think that way.  And we believed them.  Or because we want to please someone we care about and the truth is not so pleasing.Sometimes we can't even recognize this truth. 

I believe that is what causes discontent.  What we want or believe and what we live are not reconciled.  Conflict of the soul.  Destruction to ourselves.

I'm not saying we should live just according to our wants.  If that was the case no one would raise teenagers or shave their legs.  I am saying that we need to not pretend to be satisfied, content, happy, etc. when we are not.  Please do not take this as an okay to go around spewing all of your discontent. 

But, also if you are continually discontent, maybe you need to make some changes.  Maybe those are internal changes and maybe they are external.

Day 120 -

Yes, no title.  Nothing came to mind.  My mind has crashed.  It followed my body which crashed about 2:23 this afternoon.  Nap crash.  Want to sit in the chair for 14 days without taking a shower or brushing my teeth crash.

I've been pushing, pushing, pushing past some limits.  Staying up too late.  Trying to get too much done.  Calling simplicity a four letter word.  Usually I would just get sick.  That's what typically happens.  Today I just got overwhelmingly tired.

See, I'm rambling.  No coherency left. 

People need respite.  I need respite.  It charges me up.  Increases my productivity.  Allows creativity.  Keeps me patient.  Makes me sane.  Well, as sane as I'm ever gonna be.

Sometimes my narcissism wants me to believe that I am the Energizer Bunny.  But, I'm not.  I'm just a girl who wants to save the world, take good care of my family, and find joy in every day life.  So little room for rest.  But no chance without it.